” Stupid-self-sabotage…” when you have a deep desire for something, but you feel totally and completely useless into getting it… What do you do?
Why does this happen to so many people? Well, it happens to everyone. Yes, you’re not broken; it happens to every single person that want to change somethings in their lives.
I did a little bit of research, and found 5 states of self-sabotage you have to know:
1-Tried and failed; so you stop doing it because it’s too hard, too uncomfortable, and it didn’t make you happy.
When I started to have a healthier life, I felt I was missing out the dessert my mom made or that party I choose not to go, or that I didn’t have my usual chocolate with a cigarette. Those were things that not just formed part of my routine but a part of my self-image.
It felt weird the first time I realize; “hum, I’m in front of this amazing panoramic view and I didn’t light a cigarette, this is new…”
Because whenever I had a good view, I liked to enjoy it with my best bud. Suddenly, It felt like I’m losing a part of my personality.
However, when I kept going, something started happening to me, my body started to physically reject smoking, I felt extremely sick whenever I smoked and now, after so much, I finally understand; I confronted my relationship with a habit, I acknowledged it’s weight in my life, and I buried it the moment I said goodbye to what it represented.
2- You don’t have control over your self! You don’t even realize when you are back on your ways.
It’s like my body doesn’t listen to me; I want to do something, my brain shuts down, and suddenly I’m in autopilot again! You’re not crazy, that is precisely what happens, that’s how your mind works, Its automatize things.
So the only way to change it is reprograming your brain, the bad news is that it takes work, the good news is that once you start is like dominoes falling, you open a door that will unleash one little change after another. The hardest part is to stand up and open the door. It’s funny this is so logical and easy to say; it’s soo hard to apply!
3-Change is scary for your subconscious.
Acknowledge it, no matter how much you want something, it’s scary, or something about it is; putting yourself out there, painful process, feeling vulnerable, a thousand possibilities.
I have an issue with money, I never seen it as a good thing, there’s an evil-rich relationship inside my head, but I want to have money, I want to be rich, yet when I should be thinking “I know I deserve to have money and that doesn’t make me a materialist asshole” my unconscious thinks that’s a bad thing, and I end up blocked.
How you shift it? Rebuild your belief systems; it’s an in-depth transforming process where you’ll rewire the preconceptions that you built when you were just a kid; those little voices of you.
4- You are never going to feel like it.
Change is something you decide to work on, not something you feel like doing, it’s something you desire, but not something that comes naturally to you. It’s procrastination food.
It is hard to hear, might not cheers you up, but; it’s real, and if you really want something, you put your shoes on and get out that door.
It’s just you might want to parent yourself a little, it’s definitely not something fun to do, but your parents never did it for fun, they did it so you can be better. So, I guess you need to love yourself to do that. Uhm.. maybe that’s the start point.
5- Self-sabotage characters living inside your head.
Do you have little voices saying; “danger, get out” or “no! they are lying to you,” “this is bigger than you,” “you’re better off,” “you can’t do this, you don’t have the skills.”
That’s not you, and they are not the voices of rationality, they are voices you had build as a self-protection mechanism when you were too young to vulnerable, but you’re not anymore.
For example; “I don’t know how to be around people, I genuinely prefer to be alone, or with animals.”
You’ll see, it’s not that it’s not true, but I know deep inside I want to learn, because that might not be the real me. It doesn’t mean I would stop enjoy being by my self, but I would not feel so stress when I’m not. Therefore, I’m working on figuring out when did I build this mechanism because it is so rooted in me, so deep in, that I honestly can’t see when it happened, maybe in the meantime, I’ll start with smaller voices and see what comes out of it.
I’m guessing you have at least one little voice you think is just part of who you’re, but deep inside, you know it’s keeping you back, stopping you from becoming the person you want to be.
So, when you acknowledge those voices; be kind to your self, don’t judge them, feel compassion for that little voice inside you, and forgive them, ask for their support, they were you a long time ago, so they won’t say no, maybe they’ll make a little noise, but that’s why you’ll learn to parent yourself.
Anyway, the video below explains this a lot better than me.
This all actually sounds too heavy, maybe too existentialist for my taste, Hey! Maybe that’s an issue too! (*_*) But, you know what? If this is so hard for everybody, it’s time to see it as it is, just another natural process you need to go through; Feeling thirsty? Drink water. Hearing voices? Shush them.
Say it out laud! -“Stupid Self-Sabotage; Leave me alone!”
Books that might help:
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle who’s known to be Ophra’s favorite guru, it was first published in 1997 and didn’t stop selling copies since then. I’m not gonna tell you this is a magical masterpiece that could change your life because it requires a lot of effort and work from your part, but if you commit and actually do it; magic might come.
” No matter your goals, Atomic Habits offers a proven framework for improving – every day. James Clear, one of the world’s leading experts on habit formation, reveals practical strategies that will teach you exactly how to form good habits, break bad ones, and master the tiny behaviors that lead to remarkable results. “